In fact, when your health is failing, the way you think may become more important than ever. Because when illness becomes part of everyday life, it can gradually become part of the way you describe yourself. I'm ill. I'm in pain. I can't do what I used to do. My life has changed. There is nothing wrong with acknowledging any of that. Pretending otherwise would be ridiculous. The problem begins when what is happening to your body becomes the definition of who you are.
You are still you. You may have limitations you didn't choose. You may have lost abilities you once took for granted. You may have to change the way you work, exercise, travel, socialise or simply get through the day. But your illness is an experience you are living with. It is not the entirety of who you are and that distinction matters.
Positive Thinking Doesn't Mean Pretending
This is where positive thinking has sometimes done itself a disservice. People hear the words and imagine someone smiling through unbearable pain, insisting that everything is wonderful while quietly falling apart. That isn't positive thinking. It is denial.
You can be frightened and still be positive. You can be angry and still be positive. You can have a terrible day and still find something worth enjoying. You can be in pain and still have something to look forward to. Positivity isn't the absence of difficult emotions. It is what you choose to do with them.
There is a huge difference between saying “Everything is fine” when it clearly isn't and saying, “This is difficult, but what can I do with the life I have today?” That is a much more powerful question.
Illness can create a particularly cruel form of thinking. Why me? Why did this happen? Why can't I be like everyone else? Why can't my body do what it used to do?
Those questions are understandable. But they rarely take us anywhere, but there is another question that may be more useful: “What can I do now?”
The answer will be different for everyone. For one person, it might mean following medical advice and taking treatment seriously. For another, it might mean making changes to diet, exercise, sleep or other habits where those changes are appropriate.
It might mean finding something enjoyable to do within new limitations. It might mean reconnecting with friends. It might mean asking for help instead of pretending you don't need it.
Or it might mean accepting that today isn't going to be a good day and deciding that tomorrow is another opportunity. Action doesn't have to be dramatic to matter. Sometimes the next step is very small. But a small step is still a step.
Your Mind Can Become Another Burden
When you live with pain or illness, there is a danger that the physical burden becomes accompanied by a mental one.
You wake up expecting the pain. You anticipate disappointment. You stop making plans because you assume you won't be able to keep them. You stop trying new things because experience has taught you that things don't work out.
Eventually, the illness isn't just affecting what you can physically do. It starts influencing what you believe you can do and this is where your thinking deserves attention. Not because you can think your illness away. You can't. But because you don't want your illness making decisions that it doesn't need to make.
Your body may tell you that something isn't possible. Your mind may tell you that nothing is possible. Those are not necessarily the same thing.
One of the most extraordinary things about people is the ability to adapt. You see it everywhere. People whose lives have been transformed by accident or illness find new ways to work, communicate, travel, compete, create and enjoy themselves.
They haven't necessarily defeated their circumstances. They have learned to live differently within them and that may be one of the greatest lessons positive thinking has to offer. You don't always get to choose your circumstances. You do have some choice about how you respond to them.
That doesn't mean every person can overcome every obstacle. It doesn't mean disability is a mindset. It doesn't mean chronic illness is something you can defeat if you try hard enough. And it certainly doesn't mean someone who remains positive will automatically become healthier.
Sometimes illness wins. Sometimes treatment doesn't work. Sometimes there is no cure. Positive thinking has to be big enough to acknowledge that reality.
When There Is No Cure
This is perhaps where the real meaning of positive thinking becomes most important. If an illness cannot be cured, what then? Are you supposed to stop being positive because there is no happy ending? I don't think so.
The question changes. Instead of asking, “How do I make this disappear?” it becomes: “How do I make the most of the life I have?” That could mean spending time with people you love. It could mean creating memories. It could mean laughing when you can. It could mean doing something you've always wanted to do. It could mean telling someone how much they mean to you.
It could mean refusing to allow illness to take more of your life than it already has. There is enormous strength in that. This is where the philosophy of You Are Not Broken matters. Being ill does not mean you are broken. Living with pain does not mean you are broken. Having to change your life does not mean you are broken. Needing help does not mean you are broken.
And having a day when you cannot be positive does not mean you have failed. You are human. Your circumstances may have changed. Your body may have changed. Your future may look different from the one you imagined. But there is still a person underneath all of that who can think, feel, love, laugh, learn, contribute, connect and make choices.
So don't use positive thinking as another stick with which to beat yourself. Don't tell yourself that you should be happier. Don't feel guilty because somebody else appears to cope better. And don't believe anyone who tells you that your illness is your fault because you haven't been positive enough.
Instead, ask yourself a better question: Given where I am today, what can I do to make today matter? You may not be able to change everything. You may not be able to change the diagnosis. You may not be able to remove the pain, but there may still be something you can change.
A thought. A decision. A conversation. A habit. A relationship. A small action. And sometimes that is where positive thinking really begins. Not with believing that everything will be alright, but with recognising that even when life isn't alright, you are still here, you are not broken, and there may still be something you can do with the life you have.
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